This short but potent post was initially published on November 30, 2016. After nine years, one would think I’d be in a better place. And I am. Since then, I’ve published the book I was working on at the time, plus four more. Now, I’m halfway through writing number six.
But, sheesh, will the suffering never end? Comment if you relate. Even better, if you have an answer for the rest of us. Here we go:
Lately, I alternate between terror and gratitude, spending most days somewhere in between. On the one hand, I know I will be okay, my needs will be met, I won’t be homeless, my heater will be fixed, and my aging car will pass the upcoming emissions test.
On the other hand... nope, I’m not going there. Not even to write this post. Suffice it to say that at times, I am scared, angry, worried, helpless, and hopeless. On those days, I crawl into bed early and pull the covers over my head.
One way I cope, or de-stress, is by playing Spider Solitaire on my iPhone. Recently, I’ve hit a losing streak. A long, long, loooong losing streak.
Yesterday (or was it the day before), frustrated at yet another Spider loss, I told myself aloud, “Keep playing.”
Why? Because experience has shown me that eventually, probably soon, I will win.
As the words left my mouth, I heard them. A connection—a life-affirming, you’re on the right track AHA moment—occurred.
Keep playing?
YES! KEEP PLAYING!
Because eventually, hopefully soon, I will win this game of life. The dark clouds will dissipate or blow over, the skies will clear, the depression will lift, and that steady source of income will manifest.
But for that to happen, I cannot quit. I cannot give up. I cannot give in. I MUST keep playing in order to win.
So keep playing, I shall. For the Win!
By the way, this also applies to Substack. I started my journey in March of this year, and have been here four full months. There are days when it seems like no one is reading my words, and others when the reads go up exponentially. I have yet to figure out the whys and wherefores of these swings, but SS old-timers say they are natural and normal.
Their advice? You guessed it—keep showing up and keep writing.
So, I shall. What about you? Will you keep playing?
That Rebel, O.J. Barré
P.S. If you are struggling to make it (whatever your “it” is), or have reached the end of your battle and have wisdom to share, please leave a note in the comments. There is magic in saying it out loud. I promise.
From my heart to yours, Olivia/O. J.❤️
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For sure 🧡
It's so good how you're stronger on the other side. Of course the pain is never truly gone, but guess what? You're not either!